व्हाट्सऐप के कोहिनूर (अन्नपूर्णा गोली)

जय जवान मित्रो 🇮🇳🚩 आप सोच रहे होंगे कि जय किसान क्यों नहीं बोला साथ में, वो इसलिये कि अब इस राष्ट्र🇮🇳 को इन उत्पाती किसानों 🚜की आवश्यकता नहीं। बहुत हो चुका इनका बवाल। मा० मोदी जी एवं परम मा० रामदेव 😉जी एक अद्भुत फार्मूले पर काम कर रहे हैं। इस फार्मूले से बनेगी 'पतंजलि अन्नपूर्णा गोली' , गौमल के विशेष कणों से बनी ये गोली 🌝खाकर आप 2 महीने बिना कुछ खाये-पिये रह सकते हैं। नासा भी अपने अंतरिक्ष मिशन 🚀के लिये ये गोलियां खरीदेगा। मा० मोदी जी 2019 में खुद लोगों को घर-घर जाकर गोलियाँ देंगे। आइये हम सब मिलकर एक अनाजलैस समाज का निर्माण करें। आइये मुक्ति पायें ऐसे किसानों से जो मा० मोदीजी को बदनाम करने के लिये फाँसी तक लगा लेते हैं। अब सिर्फ जवान ही नहीं, हम भी देश के लिये गोली खायेंगे। इस संदेश को इतना वायरल करो कि दाऊद🐫 भी बोले कि मुझे इंडिया की गोली खानी है। 🚩🚩🚩🚩

मेरा तिरंगा और राष्ट्रवाद

देखो ऐसा तो बिल्कुल नहीं है कि मैं आपको कोई ज्ञान दूँगा क्योंकि एक क्लीन शेव आदमी से ज्ञान लेना हमारी संस्कृति है ही नहीं और आपको राष्ट्रवाद सिखाने के चक्कर में मैं 3 फुट की दाढ़ी मैनेज नहीं कर सकता। बस चंद आम सी बातें करनी हैं अपने तिरंगे के बारे में। मैं बहुत सेल्फियां लेता हूँ तिरंगे के साथ, जहाँ भी अपना झंडा देखता हूँ अंदर का मोदी मचल जाता है। एक अलग सी फीलिंग आती है जी और अगर कहीं विदेश में दिख जाये फिर तो एकदम लता ताई गूंजने लगती है कानों में।

                                                                             

वैसे ज़िंदगी में 1-2 बार सीरियस होकर भी सोचा कि ये है क्या, एक कपड़े की कतरन, कागज का टुकड़ा, दीवार पर लगे कुछ रंग या ये कुछ और भी कहता है? भारत के करोड़ों बच्चों की तरह मैंने भी स्कूल के दिनों से ही सीना तानकर तिरंगे को सलामी देना सीखा और मैं भारत के उस हिस्से (हरियाणा) से आता हूँ जहाँ ज्यादातर स्कूलों में प्रेयर की जगह सिर्फ राष्ट्रीय गान या वंदे मातरम ही गाया जाता है और हमारे घरों में हनुमान जी के साइड में भगत सिंह की फोटो लगी होती है। तो हमें एडवांटेज ये रहता है कि हमें राष्ट्रवाद सीखने के लिये सुबह-सुबह निक्कर प्रेस करके शाखा नहीं जाना पड़ता, आराम से उठते हैं 8-9 बजे।

अगर आप मुझसे पूछें कि तिरंगे को देखकर मुझे क्या महसूस होता है, क्या मेरा मन कहता है कि झंडा अपने कंधे पर लहराऊँ और इसका डंडा सरकार से सवाल पूछने वालों को चढ़ाऊँ? क्या दिल करता है कि अपने से अलग विचार वालों की दीवार पर गद्दार लिखकर भाग जाऊं? क्या बीफ खाने वालों को किडनेप करके मदर डेयरी के पनीर वाले फ्रीज़ में बंद कर दूँ? ना, पता नहीं ऐसा कुछ क्यों नहीं फील होता।  बस अच्छा सा लगता है कि मानों तिरंगा कोई  शंकर, एहसान, लॉय की एलबम है, इसमें सबकी धुनें हैं। मानों तिरंगा कोई आशीष नेहरा, ज़हीर खान और हरभजन सिंह का बोलिंग स्पेल है।  मानों कलमाड़ी, जॉर्ज फेर्नेंडिस और प्रकाश सिंह बादल का कोई मिलाजुला घोटाला है। कहने का मतलब अच्छे-बुरे, भारत के सब कलर बराबर है इसमें। 

फिर क्यों कुछ शॉर्ट्स वाले हॉट सिंगल्स राष्ट्रवाद का शार्टकट मारना चाहते हैं? क्यों उन्हें लगता है कि तिरंगे की आड़ में देश के कोने-कोने में केसर भर देंगे, विमल समझा है क्या देश को? क्या वो हमें देशभक्ति की कॉलर ट्यून सुनाएंगे जिन्हें अंग्रेज़ व्हाट्सएप्प की तरह यूज़ करते थे? हम पाकिस्तान नहीं जायेंगे, यहीं रहेंगे क्योंकि हमें इस धरती से प्यार है और पाकिस्तान में यूट्यूब भी नहीं चलता। हम  सवाल भी उठायेंगे और तिरंगे भी लहरायेंगे। तुम तिरंगे को ऊँचा मत करो, तिरंगा बहुत ऊँचा है, बस अपनी निक्कर जैसी सोच को थोड़ा बड़ा करके पैंट के साइज़ की कर लो।

पाकिस्तान मुर्दाबाद रहे या ज़िंदाबाद रहे मुझे कोई मतलब नहीं।  क्या गुमान करें गर सरहद पे तिरंगा है, जब होता मुल्क में रोज दंगा है। बस अपनी तरफ वाले लोग भूखे ना सोयें और छोटे-छोटे बच्चे दुकानों पर चाय ना बेचें। ये उनका बचपन भी ख़राब करता है और आगे चलकर ऐसा कोई बच्चा देश भी ख़राब कर सकता है। धन्यवाद, जय हिंद, वंदे मातरम। 

और बता, क्या चल रहा है !

पिछले दिनों मैं अपने एक दोस्त से लगभग 3 साल बाद मिला। 5 मिनट तक घर-परिवार और नौकरी की बाते हुई और फिर 5 मिनट बाद हमारा राष्ट्रीय प्रश्न दखल देने लगा, जब उसने पूछा "और बता क्या चल रहा है? " मैंने कहा " बस कुछ नहीं, टाइमपास। "  फिर अपने फोन में झांकता हुआ बोला "हम्म्म्म, और क्या चल रहा है" मैंने फिर कहा "जून चल रहा है, गर्म हवा चल रही है और तो और हमशक्ल भी चल रही है "  लेकिन वो तो हैंग हो चूका था "हम्म्म और ?"  मैं तिलमिलाया " और साले तेरा दिमाग चल चूका है, भाग यहाँ से , 3 साल बाद मिला, अब 30 साल तक नजर मत आइयो। "

दरअसल मोबाइल क्रांति के बाद हम अपने काल्पनिक जगत में इतना खो चुके हैं कि असली दुनिया के लोगो से बात करने के लिए हमारे पास कुछ है ही नहीं। कुछ लोगों को तो ये भी तब पता चलता है कि वो किसके घर रह रहे हैं, जब WhatsApp और फेसबुक डाउन हो जाते हैं। एक दोस्त की हालत तो इतनी ख़राब है कि अगर 2 मिनट के लिए नेटवर्क चला जाये तो ऑक्सीजन लगानी पड़ती है। 

हालत इतने खराब हो चुके हैं कि दो दोस्तों की एक ही गर्लफ्रेंड हो तो चलेगा लेकिन चार्जर अपना-अपना होना चाहिए। युवा पीढ़ी इतना पढ़ लिखकर भी अंगूठा छाप हो चुकी है और आने वाली पीढ़ियों में हमारे बच्चे भी 6 अंगूठे वाले और बिना जुबान के पैदा होंगे। आधुनिक इतिहासकार तो ये भी कहते हैं द्रोणाचार्य ने भी एकलव्य का अंगूठा इस डर से मांग लिया था कि कहीं उनका चेला आगे चलकर WhatsApp एडिक्ट ना हो जाये। 

अब बिल्कुल समझ नहीं आता कि फ़ोन में झांके बिना सामने खड़े आदमी से कैसे बात करें। दिल करता है कि  या तो ये चला जाये या सामने खड़े होकर भी वीडियो कॉल ही कर ले, बस फ़ोन से नजर ना हटे हमारी किसी भी हालत में। ऐसा नहीं है कि हम अपने आप को इस से बाहर निकालने की कोशिश नहीं करते, करते हैं, लेकिन फिर ऐसा महसूस होता है कि जैसे हम अपाहिज हो गए हैं और जान बचाने  के लिए जल्दी से वापिस वहीँ लौट जाना चाहिए। 

और सबसे ख़ास बात ये कि हम सब ऐसे ही हो चुके हैं लेकिन फिर भी इस तरह के ब्लॉग लिखकर ये जताते हैं कि हम सोशल हैं और इसका शिकार नहीं है। 

Bhagat Singh as he was..

'Bhagat Singh' the name itself is enough to fill us with a sense of patriotism and pride. But even after 81 years of his immortality most of us perceive him as a hot-headed youngster. Have you ever wondered there were thousands of youngsters who fought for liberty but why this man still dominates the saga of struggle. A parallel to Gandhi, an extremist according to imperialist Britishers, a dictator according to some fellow revolutionaries and an epitome of valor, Bhagat Singh is a unique phenomena.
          Our society is not mature enough to grasp the ideas of Bhagat Singh even today, let alone those days of sheer ignorance. His vision and ideology should be a far more cherished thing for us than his tales of bomb throwing and shotguns. He himself was of the view that individuals die but ideas survive. His life spanned just for 24 years but he attained a great knowledge and vision of a liberal thinker in his petite life. The man was a voracious reader and largely influenced by Karl, Marx, Lenin, Trotsky and Auguste Vaillant.. Born in a Sikh  family of Arya Samajis he was a staunch follower of Gandhi in his initial days, but found Gandhian approach faulty as he grew up. He went through the stages of mystic atheism , staunch atheism, socialism and anarchism. Denouncing all the prevailing religion based theories of revolution, he acquired a universal view of revolution, dreamed  of  an oppression free society, a classless India. He famously quoted that if Indians can't treat each other with a sense of equality they should not expect Britishers to be justified with them. When there were communal riots between Hindu and Muslims in 1921, he was very depressed to witness that today the same people were quarreling  with each other, who were fighting unified against colonial Britishers yesterday.
             He was a merciless critic and liberal thinker, always believing  in socio-economic reforms than merely transfer of power from Britishers to Indian bourgeoisie.Even he criticized his Lahore College mentor Lala Lajpatrai and fellow revolutionaries for their religious and mystic approach towards revolution. His famous writing 'Why i am an atheist', which he wrote during his incarceration in Lahore jail is seriously not for the fainthearted, because while going through it one can sense  his beliefs going out of the window. He wrote this in response to the criticism he was facing for being vainglorious and his opposition to religion. When fellows pleaded him  to pay reverence to the Almighty in his last days he refused by saying that if in this time of pain and sorrow i will start believing in God than there will be none a great coward than me. Religion and god were never his refuse but still he survived 116 days of fast in quest of his rights of a political prisoner, such was the iron-will of the legend.
           Contemporary Gandhians labelled him as a promoter of violence and Russian agent. But in his views Bhagat Singh never praised swords and guns, he emphasized that only in extreme conditions to let your voice heard against a cruel opponent, one should wield  the arms. He used low intensity bombs to popularize their views and shot fires to avenge innocent killings, but never intended to threaten fellow citizens with extremist behavior. As a shrewd leader he utilized his court trials and proceedings to spread the fire of revolution and always advocated for literacy and unification. People always polarize him from Gandhi on the basis of Violence and non-violence. But the real difference was that Gandhi always emphasized on the change of rulers while Singh always advocated for the change in social system.
         People of some particular parties, region and religion are now claiming over the legacy of Bhagat Singh. But in true sense he trans-gress them all. Gandhians can not claim him due to his bombs and guns, Hindu-Sikh leaders find his atheist views objectionable,communists find his views closer to Naxalism and Naxalites can not claim him as he was against the individual terror. Even we can not contain him to the boundaries of India and nationalism. Every poverty ridden and oppressed in this world can claim him as his hero and take inspiration from his struggle and quest for fundamental rights.
      For me the most phenomenal thing about him is his age, I wonder in disbelief that at 24 when we just start thinking about our job and all, he was there challenging  the established and powerful. Rare would be a man of his vision and stature. As Bhagat Singh himself advocated criticism of the legendary and cherished, you can count his shortcomings anytime. But for his ideology  he will always remain a mentor for millions like me. Hail the hero!
       
                                                     

Curious case of Gurgaon city...

A barren piece of land shot to fame all of a sudden due to its proximity to national capital. When private development was banned in Delhi, DLF acquired a vast land in the vicinity of Gurgaon town and very wisely turned it into Cyber city. There are scores of other developers too in the city but still DLF is synonymous to Gurgaon. Other than DLF, a few other brands like Maruti, Honda represents the city and thousands of skilled and unskilled laborers are dependent on these giants and their vendor firms. Skyscrapers, malls,, call centers and flashy cars is what firstly meet the eyes in the bustling town.

                       

  The city has a complex and conflicting character, though there is a class divide everywhere in India, but being a new entry to fame , class divide is quite apparent in Gurgaon.  Migrants form distant states like UP, Bihar and South -West Haryana  sprinkle like aliens among the herds of high salaried professionals. Rocketing Corporate towers are ever glistering and roads leading to them are full of potholes and mud. Natives sold their golden landscapes and are fully covered up with gold chains and rings. They have adopted a hip  lifestyle and trying hard to get rid of their 'Desi' tag. I always hear from envious migrants that Gurgaonwallas got all the money but they can't buy class, which i think is partially true. Its quite natural that an unexpected flush of money with little efforts can spoil anyone. Authentic Chinese and Japanese restaurants co-exist with roadside dusty snack vendors. Often @9am and @5pm city bears a look of yoga academy with scores of salesman hanging out of the crowded autos and mini-buses in artistic positions. M.G.Road gives a tag of 'City Never sleeps' to Gurgaon, even @3am you will see youngsters jamming on iffco chowk and Sahara Mall in sozzled state .@2am Youngistan is as always busy in nagging Americans with fake semi-polished accent, bars and discs are crowded with cheap hookers, somewhere in dark near sector 55 goons and thieves are planning to rob yet another victim, patrolling police is wasting too much of petrol to trap soft targets like chaiwala, paranthewala.

                        The recent incident of 'Gang Rape' is yet another snooze by persisting alarm which administration always tries to turn off. Height of apathy and callousness is that now administration has banned female workers from  working late night. In their view this can save women from getting molested, its as absurd as banning team India's Australian tours to avoid shameful defeats. Gurgaon without a doubt has a potential to become a world class place but lack of good governance and basic amenities make it a bitter place to survive. Hope things will improve soon and Gurgaon will be as charming as Vienna..

PS- This blog lacks focus and is just a curious attempt emerged out of my perception about the city. No offence to the city dwellers.        

Maths...A Numerical Terror

I have met two types of homo species in my life, one who likes maths and others who have to like maths. Whenever i see a geek with thick glasses and sticky hair, i get even more terrified wondering how a Maths book can suck out lives out of innocent nerds. Till the present day i am not able to figure out if i was not able to excel in my maths exams due to fever previous night or i had fever because of the maths exam next day.
                                                       Till 5th Standard it was fun to add, subtract or to divide but when 'Root' entered the roots of maths then the game got spoiled and it got scary till 8th. Afterward 'root' called in all its relatives cubes, theorems, Sin q, cos q, probability, equations and maths book haunted me liked a Ramgopal verma shitter.
                                                                I still wonder why the 'X' is unknown till date even after timeless efforts from Aarybhat, Ramanuj and Hopkins, Pity we always have to assume it or why Ram and Mohan always walk in different directions with diffrent speeds or why shayam keeps selling his goods on 10% loss. Seriously since 8th standard i used to wonder how a 'square root' would help me in earning my livings or a theorem problem was more serious than my 'pimple problem'.
                                                                     Nevertheless i pushed it along till 10th standard by taking tut-ions from a bald man for whom life was a sudoku and seriousness was as precious as virginity for a nun. I was relieved now and opted for commerce in secondary school. Quite obviously i avoided maths just like congress spit away kalmadi after commonwealth games. Due to my affection with simple computation i was able to excel in Accounts and Economics and i was beaming at the prospects of no more x+y(x-y).
                                                But as Himesh keeps coming back and spoiling up moods, dragon of maths once again rose up, in one of the semester of  my intedegraded...oops integrated MBA course and i was shivering likeBhutan( against China). In first two efforts i was quite understandably  not able to get success. But all thanxs to hellbent University rules (by whom even a Dolly Bindra can get a Ph.D) I got a third chance. I tried really hard to prepare but couldn't help myself in feeling like a Munaf Patel against a hat-trick ball by nasty Malinga. But during exam one of my super junior told me one question was out of syllabus( honestly i had no idea about the syllabus). By virtue of that divine alien question i was blessed with 14 grace marks and was able to conquer a long time enemy.
                                                           
                                                               I hope it gets over here because i have no more zeal left to face another punch from the demon. I am happy in contributing what india has already contributed to maths.....A big round ZERO.............       

Constitution or Constipation?

Yeah, you are absolutely correct whatever i would write in this post would be a contempt of  constitution and i may face severe penalties determined by the same constitution. How paranoid this rulebook is that it cant tolerate a word of criticism. The lawmakers knew that many of the acts and clauses inherited in this book are flawed and partisan that's why they provided immunity to constitution so that nobody will be able to point a finger towards their shoddy work.
                                                    First thing is that why on this earth one cant show his displeasure over the rules and regulations by which he is being ruled, even god is not above criticism then why in a democracy a book and a Mahatma Gandhi should be above the debate. There are thousands of people who don't oblige with gandhi's policies and millions who think that many acts and principals in Constitution are flawed then why these people are not given a chance to raise their voices.
                                                                               In our constitution there are certain VIPs, Communities, and institutions which are provided with special empowerment and has an unfair advantage over common man. Some of the top bureaucrats and leaders are so immune that even a large scale swindle by them is unquestionable.
                           Though i am no Jethmalani or a 'Daamini type super-advocate'  but still like masses i feel there should have been something in it which could have set an equal status for all classes. Instead of just pressing 'cntrl c + cntr v' our lawmakers should have applied a bit of their own mind while adapting this from other states. Its pretty obvious that revolutionaries like Bhagat Singh didn't lay their lives to gain such kind of imperialist rule and their dream for a socialist state is unfulfilled till the date. There is something wrong with present system and that is the reason why we are not able to push the very visible culprits behind the bars. Fugitives like Yedurappa, Laalu, Mulayam, Amar, Fernendis, Koda, chautala, Chavan and many more roam free despite being the obvious swindlers of taxpayer's money. MLAs and MPs have got increased their assets manifold without any explanation of their source of income. Its quite clear that they earned it by scams in contracts, govt jobs, projects but there is no mechanism to monitor and control their unfair practices.
                                                                                                          May be there are rules laid in constitution pertaining to every aspect of crime but who will ensure their justified execution. The Law education courses train future advocates to twist the same information in favor or against a person. So all these things are pretty ambiguous and goofy. We need many public empowerment tools just like Lokpal Bill to ensure a transparency in the system. People like Hajare should be supported unceasingly so that they may be able to bring some social changes. Whenever there is a criticism of constitution by people like Anupam Kher we should not act like patriotic idiots, atleast he has courage to speak his mind. There is nothing wrong when people demand for amendments and enactment of new bills because a system needs dynamic changes according to the advancement of times and we need these changes big time.
                                           If constitution stays blocked like this it may create a constipation and as we all know constipation gives birth to many fatal diseases............